HOW TO SPEAK ALASKAN

Besides it being the name of a bar over on Fireweed in Anchorage Alaska, it is a term used to describe the uninitiated new hands that come to work and live in the state of Alaska. It would be like a cowboy calling someone a “greenhorn” out west. I think it’s an Eskimo or Inuit term, that is not a term of endearment. The opposite of a Cheechako is a “Sourdough”, that would be someone like me, a person whose lived in Alaska for a long time. The real definition of a Sourdough is someone whose made love to an Eskimo, peed in the Yukon River and had Eskimo Ice Cream. Or something to that effect. And all cheechakos come from “outside”. That is anywhere not in Alaska. Going outside means leaving Alaska, for any reason.

We have kind of our own language up in the frozen North caused I guess from to much -40º weather in the winter. Sarah Palin never uses Alaska-Speak because they would immediately say she was talking in tongues. Really only Alaskans understand these esoteric terms. Even though we are one of the United States of America we refer to “the lower 48” as the rest of the country, we don’t really know hoe to refer to Hawaii.

So anyone planning to visit or move to Alaska had better learn these terms or sayings or forever be a “Cheechako” in the eyes of your friends and neighbors.

If you come in winter there are some things you need to know. First off there are two seasons in Alaska, winter and road fixing season. You’ll know why when you get here. Those of us who spend time working or hunting or whatever outside in the cold will wear “Bunny Boots” large white rubber balloon looking things that will keep your feet warm to 65 below. Very popular for those who work up on the “slope”. That’s the north slope of the Brooks Range where a lot of the oil is extracted, and the Pipe Line starts that transports the oil to Valdez where it’s loaded on tankers to be shipped outside. Remember the Exxon Valdez? Back to the winter. Winter is preceded by “Termination Dust”. This is the white stuff that starts falling in August in the mountains surrounding Anchorage called snow. There are heater plugs hanging out of every cars grill that you plug in so your car will start and there are plugs at most homes and businesses to accommodate you. When you come to someone’s home you’ll probably come in the “Arctic Entry” where you dump all your cold weather gear before entering. You won’t see any in Anchorage but just about everywhere else you’ll see “Mushers”. Guys who ride in sleds with dogs pulling them and yell “mush” at them. Or you may see a “snow machine” or two around anywhere in the state

The rest of the year we either go fishing or prepare to go fishing. There is “Combat Fishing”, shoulder to shoulder on the Kenai and Russian rivers when the Salmon are running. This starts right after “Breakup” when all the snow and ice melts in about a 2-3 week period and things are mighty sloppy. Or you go “Dip Netting” down on the Twenty mile for Hooligans, you just stand out in the river with a big net and the fish swim into it. Pretty neat. We also get a chance to “Dip Net“ for salmon for a short time. In any event during the summer you must always have “Bug Dope” to keep the bloodthirsty hordes of mosquitoes at bay or suffer the consequences. An old native death sentence was to strip the offender naked and throw them out into the Tundra in the summer where they would go mad or die from the insects.

There are many more terms to get acquainted with like, “Fireweed” the weed everyone loves. It grows anywhere it wants to. Has pink flowers ... and in fall, the leaves turn a fiery red, hence the name Fireweed. “Bear Insurance”, handguns, 357 magnum or better and the one I prefer a 12 gauge shotgun. A “Spenard Divorce”, A loud and sometimes fatal way of ending a relationship made famous in the Spenard area of Anchorage. Involves a gun. And lastly, “Moose Nuggets”, found in everyone’s yard and most Alaskan gift shops, dried and shellacked moose droppings made into earrings, swizzle sticks and Christmas Decorations.

There are more and more but they are just what we all say and talk like in Alaska. Even the “Momma Grizzly” up in Wasilla.